Barnbougle Dunes Golf Links

Barnbougle Dunes between the 15th green and 16th tee

Think Bandon Dunes is isolated? Think again. Barnbougle Dunes is remote by any standard you use. Located in the Australian island state of Tasmania off the south coast of the mainland, it is as different from the big continent as night is from day. The mainland is mostly flat and arid; Tasmania is lush, hilly and verdant. It is chocked with wilderness, wild rivers and beautiful Victorian and Edwardian buildings.

Our flight from Sydney to Launceston took only an hour and forty minutes, but the short trip transports you to another world: from one of the world’s most cosmopolitan cities to an unspoiled gem. Sydney Airport has parallel runways with planes taking off continually. Launceston airport has one runway in the middle of a farm, with no visible fence separating the airport from the farm. The drive from Launceston up to Barnbougle takes an additional ninety minutes north until you reach the coast and Bass Strait, which separates Tasmania from the Australian mainland. The trip is through winding roads, lush farmland and beautiful hills. I saw my first kangaroo on the drive up from Launceston; sadly, it was road kill.

Although Barnbougle is not on the 2003 top 100 list of courses I am playing, it was too good to pass up being in Australia and not playing it. In the current world rankings Barnbougle ranks #35. It was designed in 2004 by Tom Doak with Australian Michael Clayton. Like Bandon Dunes, Barnbougle has the backing of Mike Keiser, who seems to have figured out how to take some of the best remote locations in the world and convert them into world-class golfing facilities. Owner Richard Sattler also had the good sense to give Doak free reign on course design. As such, Barnbougle represents Doak at his purest since he wasn’t pressured by the owner to make changes.

The first two holes at Barnbougle Dunes are good holes that play into the generally prevailing wind. We played as the last group on a beautiful autumn day with a three club wind, so we got to experience the course as it was meant to be played.

The course really begins on the third hole, in my view. We played without a caddie and aside from a 100 meter marker and a 150 meter marker there are no other markers; and we didn’t take a yardage book. The third tee box is set atop a dune, and it took us awhile to figure out where the fairway was. It is a 306 meter (add 10% for yards) par four with a blind tee shot played sharply off to your left. As I think is one of Doak’s core competencies, he excels at short par fours, and this one is no exception. The fairway slopes steeply right to left and is bisected by a ridge. Because of the prevailing wind, most likely your ball will end up on the left side of the fairway, leaving a significant uphill and potentially blind shot to a beautiful green set in a sand dune.

Barnbougle's fourth from the tee

The fourth hole is difficult to describe accurately but is without question one of the finest golf holes ever built on the planet. Another short par four, it plays only 254 meters, but into the prevailing wind. If the wind were not blowing or was blowing downwind, it would be a drivable green. The massive bunker on the right side of the fairway, seen below, gets the mind going. I imagine plenty of shots are pulled left as the golfer panics at the last second thinking about the massive hazard, which is a naturally blown bunker. If you hit short of the large bunker you have a steep uphill shot that you can’t fully see. The second shot plays to an extremely well protected and crazy green. Although his inspiration for this hole was Royal Melbourne West's tenth hole, when Doak designed this hole he must have been on crack or some other kind of mind altering drug. It is a sick hole.

Approaching the fourth green

The green is quite a treat, set in a well protected hollow within the dunes. Look at the wild breaks and undulations. Shots into it from the left side of the fairway will be completely blind.

The big humps visible in the fourth green

After completing the fourth hole you have to walk a fair distance to the fifth tee. The walk is up a big sand dune at the back of the green and past a simple wooden rain shelter, “Reg’s Hut.” When you reach the crest of the hill Bass Strait comes into view and is jaw-dropping. Below you is a huge crescent shaped inlet with a wide beach and beautifully colored water. In an absolute stroke of genius, the walk from green to tee is along this high ridge set atop a massive dune and it has a picture postcard view. I don’t say this lightly, but it is almost as good as the walk from the fourteenth green to the fifteenth tee at Cypress point, which is the finest in golf.

The walk from the 4th green to the 5th tee at Barnbougle

The 190 meter par three fifth hole plays the opposite direction of the first four holes back to the clubhouse. It is also a spectacular golf hole played from the top of a dune down to a well protected and major-league sloping green. As Doak designs often allow you to do, the best play on this hole is to hit the ball left and let if hop, bump and feed toward the green.

The par three fifth from the tee

It is hard to say how excited we got after playing the third, fourth and fifth holes. It is a wondrous collection of back-to-back holes, as good as any stretch on any golf course. The fifth green is located near the fourth tee. Since we were the last group of the day and there was nobody behind us, we went immediately back to the fourth tee to play the fourth and fifth again. We just couldn’t get enough. It was hard to take in the first time and we wanted to savor the moment once again.

The 359 meter par four sixth hole plays from an elevated tee box along Bass Strait among the dunes.

The sixth fairway looking backward

The seventh is a beautiful little 100 meter par three nestled within the dunes and visually reminds me of the par three fourteenth hole at Maidstone. It is a very difficult green to hit because it has rounded edges that repel balls away from it. The green design is borderline diabolical. I hit a good shot pin high and proceeded to putt off the green. The green has so many different humps and sections that you have to be coming in at precisely the right trajectory and shot angle to hold it off the tee.

The par three seventh

The eighth hole is the #1 stroke index hole on the course. It has a wide and generous split fairway. It is 417 meters and features an elevated green with a narrow slot to hit through.

The front nine holes play on the left hand side of the clubhouse and the back nine is laid out among the dunes along the right side of the clubhouse. I thought holes nine through twelve to be good but not great holes. Perhaps it is just natural to be let down a little after playing such breathtaking holes as three through eight that the others don’t equal the same level.

The par three thirteenth hole is a real gem. Doak’s inspiration was an Alister MacKenzie hole at Sitwell Park that no longer exists. It plays 167 meters and features a green built in the buried elephant style.

Holes fifteen and sixteen play along the Great Forester River, and across from the 16th green you can see the spectacular par three fourth green on Lost Farm. Given its unique geographic location, the color of the light in Tasmania is inspiring as you can see in the picture below near the fifteenth green. The whole point of golf in my view is to get out in fresh air and enjoy yourself. Playing golf here allows you to do it in spades; it really lifts your spirit and is exhilarating.

Idyllic scene near the fifteenth green

Sixteen is a 147 meter downhill par three. Regardless of what tees you are playing for the day, I recommend playing from the top tee box on sixteen as you have a great view of the sea, much of Barnbougle Dunes and much of Lost Farm.

The seventeenth hole reminded me of the hole by the same number at Durban Country Club, with its wildly undulating fairway. As throughout the entire course, one of the pleasures of playing a Doak design is the amount of shot variety you can hit. We were hitting bump and run and pitch shots all day long and putted from well off the green many times.

The crazy undulations in the 17th fairway

I thought the front nine was the clearly better of the two nines, but the whole place is special and worthy of the long journey. I liked it better than Doak's design at Pacific Dunes. The property is very hilly, the walk is demanding, and there are no riding golf carts.

Like at Sand Hills and the Bandon resort, there are cabins located on the property where you can stay overnight. The cabins at Barnbougle are as rustic and basic as anywhere I have ever stayed, and they have no amenities. They are for sleeping only and have two bedrooms with two beds each. I suggest bringing earplugs if your playing partners snore as loud as the dickheads I traveled with.

The rustic lodges at Barnbougle Dunes

In a fortunate encounter for us, we bumped into James Boag for the first time in Tasmania. As luck would have it, we would find this Tassie native throughout Australia and got quite friendly with him.

New South Wales Golf Club

In the log book of H.M.S. Endeavour, commanded by Captain Cook, the entry for April 29 1770 reads "Anchored at 3 p.m. in a place which I called Sting Ray Harbour." The ‘place’ is the current location of the New South Wales Golf Club (ranked #43 in the world) located in La Perouse, just south of Sydney. The bay was subsequently renamed Botany Bay, and it was here that the current history of Australia began. As I am always cautious to be politically correct, obviously, the indigenous aboriginal people were already on the continent. It’s interesting to think that Australia hadn't even been settled by westerners yet, while some thirty years before, in 1744, the Honourable Company of Edinburgh Golfers was established in Scotland.

You can see the white New South Wales clubhouse perched on top of the hill to the right, in the middle distance, when you land at Sydney Airport. Planes headed towards its parallel runways are visible throughout your round.

Alister MacKenzie produced the initial routing map for New South Wales, but real credit for the design is largely given to Eric Apperly, who completed the work. Apperly also made changes to several holes over time, including designing the most famous hole on the course, the par three sixth. From 1942-1946 the land and clubhouse were surrendered to the armed services, and the course was rebuilt after the war under his supervision.

New South Wales is a links-style course that has a great routing, plays fast and firm and has a fair number of blind shots. The course has two distinct personalities to it. Holes three through six are characterized by great use of the hilly terrain and dramatic views. The stunning water holes like the fifth and sixth have a feel similar to the Monterey Peninsula and are inspiring. The inland holes on the back nine, particularly the severe doglegs, have a completely different feel and play inland, away from the headlands. My favorite stretch of the course was not the renowned water holes, but the inland stretch from thirteen through sixteen. The interesting combination of heavy vegetation, dunes and blind shots was at times reminiscent of Royal County Down to me.

Bunkering on the first hole

The New South Wales Golf Club is set on a very hilly piece of terrain. Walking the course proved a very good workout. Play begins nears a traditional English-style clubhouse at the top of a hill at the highest point on the property. The routing then goes through the dunes out to the headlands. Beginning on the seventh hole, the course plays back uphill and inland and then returns to the water again for holes thirteen and fourteen before returning inland and uphill once again. This variety of uphill, downhill and back and forth to the water makes the routing very nice.

The narrow driving area on the 3rd hole

You get the feel that New South Wales is going to be a very interesting course when you reach the third tee. This is the narrowest driving area I have ever seen. Standing on the tee you have no indication of where the fairway and green are. Looking at the chute to hit through, you would assume the hole is straight or perhaps a dog-leg right. In fact, the green is 100 degrees to your left. A good tee shot is one hit over the scrub and trees well to the left. The hole plays 380 meters from the back (add 10 percent for yards), but actually plays quite a bit less because you can cut off the dogleg. The second shot is to a difficult to hit, elevated green that offers a big penalty if missed.

The tricky dogleg left third hole

The 468 meter par five fifth offers another blind tee shot where you hit into a humpbacked ridge.

The blind fifth hole tee shot at New South Wales

The carry to the top of the ridge is about 240 meters, but if you can pull it off, you’ll have only 100 meters to go to the green. The cliffside green is situated at the bottom of the dramatic hill with the water behind it. If you don’t carry the ridge, you’ll have another blind shot over the top, down the hill. Walking over the ridge and seeing the breathtaking view of the bay below is one of the great vistas in the game of golf.

The 5th green near the water

The sixth hole is the famous cross-ocean hole similar to Cypress Point’s sixteenth hole, although I don’t think any hole in the world truly compares to Cypress’s sixteenth. The 500 Toughest Golf Holes in the World ranks the sixth among its holes and I concur. It is 185 meters and uphill from the back tee and all carry. I hit a driver from the far back tee and made a par on the hole, the highlight of my day.

The 500 Toughest Holes book’s characterization of these back-to-back holes is right on: “In the same way that Pebble Beach’s par five sixth offers a worthy prelude to the par three seventh, the fifth hole is a prologue to the beloved par three sixth.”

The iconic par three 6th at New South Wales

The fourteenth hole is one that I enjoyed very much. Beware of short par fours. This 323 meter gem is not an easy hole. Tom Doak describes the fairway as “roller-coaster” and it is indeed. Like many of the world’s greatest, it is a classic risk-reward hole. You have to hit over a huge scrub-filled chasm to a dogleg left fairway that largely slopes back toward you, right to left. The best play is further right, leaving you a greater distance from the flag, however, at least your ball stays where you hit it. Trying to cut off too much of the dogleg and playing toward the flag to the left is not a smart play, primarily because the slope of the fairway will shoot your ball way left down the imposing hill. Normally, the safer route allows the less skilled player a fair shot of hitting the fairway. The fourteenth is especially tricky in this regard. Although it is a shorter carry off the tee, if you carry too far right it runs through the fairway and your ball is lost. It is like hitting a putt, where you need precision in both line and distance, but on your tee shot! Planet Golf calls the second shot at fourteen one of the best pitch shots in the world to its exposed skyline green.

The difficult to hit 14th fairway over chasm

The seventh and fourteenth holes have a similar feel of playing at Kawana in Japan with holes routed through lush vegetation along dramatic high headlands. In particular, the fourteenth hole at New South Wales reminded me of the classic fifteenth at Kawana, requiring a demanding tee shot over a chasm to a difficult to hit, harshly sloping fairway.

New South Wales is at its best on its many severe dogleg holes. The most testing of these are the fifteenth and sixteenth. Fifteen is a 372 meter sharp dogleg right that demands an exacting drive up a hill into a narrow landing area. With the prevailing wind, it is quite unlikely that you can hit it far enough to see around the corner of the dogleg to the difficult green. This hole has the highest average in relation to par on the Australasian tour. The narrow, uphill, tight, difficult to hit 15th fairway, from the tee:

It is one of the hardest holes I have ever played, first, because the landing area off the tee is so small and, second, because you have to hit a LONG blind second shot to a tough green.

The 15th fairway looking back from the green

Sixteen is a difficult 403 meter sharp dogleg to the left that requires a precise shot off the tee to have a chance at hitting the well-bunkered green. Note the nice sod faced difficult bunkers on sixteen. Adam Scott ranks this hole as one of the top three holes in Australia, along with the third hole here.

The 16th green

The course is difficult to pin down into one style and to compare to other courses. While playing some of the inland holes on the back nine, which are surrounded by bottle-brush (similar to gorse), the course reminded me a bit of Durban in South Africa and had a real feel of playing through the bush.

The club doesn’t own the land the course is on; instead, it leases it from the government, since it is set within a national park, making it a nicely isolated piece of property.

There are not many courses in the world that can be compared to such a diverse group of courses such as Cypress Point, Durban, Royal County Down and Kawana. The eclectic feel of the various parts of the course really makes New South Wales a microcosm of many of the greatest courses in the world. It was also the most difficult of all the courses we played in Australia.

Many thanks to my gracious host Michael Taylor, a golf-crazed student of the game. I didn’t experience the full impact of New South Wales while visiting, as the greens were punched and the wind wasn’t blowing. Thus, I hope to return someday to play the course and experience the greens in top form. Also, I would like to prove to him that my game isn’t really as bad as it looked the day we played. In what was clearly an appropriate gesture, the black and white Magpies and their distinctive ‘laugh,’ had a riotously funny day mocking me.

Magpie at New South Wales

Sydney, Australia

I visited Sydney once before, about fifteen years ago, and was very much impressed with it. The iconic Opera House is quite a spectacle, and Sydney Harbour is one of the natural wonders of the world. The water is so clear you can just about see to the bottom of it.

It was nice to be back in this great city. One of the things I like to do when traveling is to get up early in the morning and go for a walk while the world is still asleep. One of my best memories on this quest is waking very early and going for a walk around Campbeltown, Scotland as the sun rose on the day I played Macrahanish. Aided by jet leg and an adrenaline rush, I awoke at 4:00 am in Sydney and went for a walk in the old part of town.

The collection of buildings around Hyde Park are pretty cool. The old Sydney Hospital, the Mint building, the New South Wales Supreme Court, the Hyde Park Barracks and St. Mary's Cathedral are an impressive bunch. The old bank buildings in the financial district remind me of similar buildings in San Francisco, built during each's gold rush; they were built to last and to convey strength.

Sydney combines the best of the world's greatest cities into an experience that doesn't overwhelm. It takes the best of what many world-class cities have and improves on them just a bit. Aside from a feel of San Francisco in its gold rush years, it has New York's buzz and traffic (but is cleaner), and L.A.'s weather (but no earthquakes). Like many European cities it is easily walkable, has good museums and proper coffee. Of course it also has a major British touch: they drive on the wrong side of the road, talk funny and there are statues of Queen Victoria all over.

Most Americans' image of an Australian has unfortunately been set by advertising for Outback Steakhouse and Paul Hogan's image of Crocodile Dundee. There didn't appear to me to be many people "who throw another shrimp on the barbie," and we didn't see one person drinking Foster's the entire time in the country.

Top 100 Course Trivia Quiz Answers

As you probably will notice from the answers to the trivia quiz, I like the unusual, eclectic and esoteric. It's no wonder that most people walk away from me when I talk to them at cocktail parties. And I always thought it was my breath.

Congratulations to Pete Blaisdell from New Hampshire who answered all but one question correctly (Royal Adelaide), but received extra credit on two questions. He wins a copy of The Life and Work of Dr. Alister Mackenzie, who had his hand in the design of more courses in the top 100 than any other architect.

1. What course was Winston Churchill a member of?

Walton Heath (#82), Churchill was a member from 1910-1965. Notice how upright Churchill's stance is. He also uttered one of the greatest lines about the game, "...a game whose aim is to hit a very small ball into an even smaller hole with weapons singularly ill-designed for the purpose."

2. What course is also its own self contained township?

Pine Valley (#1). Pine Valley is incorporated as a township in New Jersey and has its own self contained miniature town hall and police force.

3. What course has held Olympic events on its property?

Riviera (#36) played host to equestrian events as the 1932 Los Angeles Summer Olympics.

4. On what course will you find wicker baskets?

The flag pins at Merion (#13) are made of red wicker. Half credit if you answered Sea Island (Seaside) as it also has wicker baskets, however, it is not ranked in the world top 100.

5. What is the closest you will get to the Playboy Mansion while playing the top 100?

Off the 13th green at Los Angeles Country Club, North Course (#59), although don't expect to see much cleavage during your round as there is a big hedge between the course and the mansion.

6. What course do you have to drive through Sherwood Forest to get to?

Woodhall Spa (#36) in Linconshire England. When you drive east from Manchester to Woodhall Spa you drive through Sherwood Forest in Nottinghamshire.

7. What course do you travel past a nuclear submarine base to get to?

Fishers Island (#29), New York. To access Fishers Island you take a boat or ferry from New London, CT, down the Thames River where General Dynamics has a naval ship yard for nuclear submarines.

8. At what course will you enjoy the lobster lunch?

The National Golf Links of America (#20) in Southampton, New York is famous for its lobster lunch which includes shepard's pie, fish cakes, macaroni and cheese and steak and kidney pie. Below is a picture of the dining room where the lobster lunch is served.

9. What course will not let women anywhere on the property?

Garden City (#55). Although Augusta National, Pine Valley and The Golf Club allow no women members, women are allowed on the property.

10. What is the most copied hole in the world? Where did it originate? For extra credit, how many of them are there in the top 100?

The Redan hole, which is the 15th hole at North Berwick. A redan hole is a par three that has a large bunker in front of the green and a deep bunker beyond the short side of the green. The green generally slopes from front-right to back-left. It is a hole that is approached diagonally. There are at least 16 Redan holes in the top 100 courses including Los Angeles's #11 which is a reverse-redan hole: Bethpage Black #3, Cabo del Sol #6, Camargo #15, Chicago #7, Country Club #12, Fishers Island #2, Los Angeles #11, Merion #3, Muirfield Village?, National #4, Ocean Course at Kiawah #8, Pacific Dunes #17, Shinnecock #7, Shoreacres #14, Somerset Hills #2, Southern Hills #8, Yeamans Hall #6.

11. What course features a cemetery as a hazard on the first hole?

Ballybunion (#13), County Kerry, Ireland

12. What course has no pro shop?

The Honourable Company of Edinburgh Golfers, Muirfield (#3) in Scotland because they have no golfing professional. I also didn't see a pro shop at Morfontaine on my memorable visit there, so extra credit was given.

13. What course features a Squirrel as its symbol?

The Country Club at Brookline (#33), although if you guessed Medinah, we'll give you half credit given their problem with squirrels burying nuts in the greens. Oakmont also features a squirrel.

14. What course served as a training ground for spies during the Second World War?

Congressional (#96), outside Washington D.C. The OSS, the forerunner of the C.I.A. used it as a training ground.

15. What course's 13th hole is named 'Loch Lomond'?

The 13th hole, a par 3, at Hirono (#35) in Kobe Japan, built in 1932. Loch Lomond, located in Scotland was built in 1994, and while the holes do have names, none are named Loch Lomond. The sixth hole is named Long Loch Lomond.

16. What is the northern-most located course on the top 100 and the southern-most?

Royal Dornoch (#16) in Scotland, which is located 4 degrees south of the Arctic circle and Paraparaumu Beach (#99) in New Zealand which is located 2,000 miles above Antarctica. For those going off the current Top 100 list, the answer would have been Cape Kidnappers in New Zealand.

17. Which course has cops guarding several holes?

Royal Liverpool #72 (Hoylake). 'Cops' are earth walls that mark internal out of bounds, as seen on the first hole, below.

18. What course did Dwight Eisenhower suffer a heart attack on while he was President?

Cherry Hills (#90). Ike used to spend extended periods of time in Denver where he would locate his 'summer White House' and played Cherry Hills often, as he was a member.

19. What course features a full-size hangman's noose on its 16th hole?

The Golf Club, New Albany, Ohio (#48)

20. What course do you begin the day by hitting a (basically) blind shot over a hedge row?

Cypress Point (#2) has a large hedge you hit your tee shot over on the first hole. The hedge is there to protect cars riding through the 17-mile drive, which bissects the hole.

21. What course has a train running through the middle of it? Extra credit for a list of courses with trains running along side the course.

Royal Adelaide, Australia (#50). The grey line running through the map below indicates an active train line. Courses with trains running along side: Carnoustie (near 18), Prestwick (along the 1st hole), Pine Valley (near 13 and 14), Royal Troon, Hoylake and Royal Lytham & St. Annes.

22. Which course formerly had a race course running through the land?

Somerset Hills (#69), in New Jersey. Prior to the golf course being built the land was used as an estate and included a private race course for horses. Royal Liverpool (#72) was also built on the site of a former track - the Liverpool Hunt Club.

23. What architect designed the most courses in the top 100?

Alister Mackenzie was involved in the design or redesign of nine courses in the top 100: Augusta National, Cypress Point, Crystal Downs, Royal Melbourne, Kingston Heath (redesign), Royal Adelaide (redesign), The Valley Club of Montecito, Lahinch (modifications), New South Wales. Pete Dye has the second most on the list with seven: Harbour Town, Casa de Campo, The Golf Club, The Honors Course, TPC Sawgrass, Kiawah Ocean Course and Whistling Straits.

24. Where are Miss Grainger's bosoms located?

On the 15th hole at The Old Course at St. Andrews (#6). The 15th hole, named Cartgate (In) features Miss Grainger's bosoms which are two prominent humps on the right side of the fairway. Your drive off the tee should be placed at the church steeple between the two prominent humps: Miss Grainger's bosoms.

25. Where is the 'End Hole' bunker?

On the 9th hole of the Old Course at St. Andrews. The End Hole bunker is a very small, penal bunker located 39 yards from the green.

Pure Golf 2010

One of the things I most enjoy about this quest is the people I meet. While playing Kingston Heath I met two young lads that make me look sane. Michael and Jamie are two New Zealand lawyers who have dropped out of society for a year to play golf around the world every single day consecutively in 2010. The best part is they are doing it on the cheap and are raising money for a worthy charity: The First Tee New Zealand. Their story is below from their website:

"puregolf2010 is a story about the Kiwi ethos. It was born out of a desire to challenge ourselves, and a challenge it certainly will be. But we're up for it. In 2010 we will play a round of golf at a different course every day of the year, around the world, to raise money for The First Tee New Zealand. Our journey starts on 1 January 2010 at Kauri Cliffs and will finish on 31 December 2010 at Cape Kidnappers. A calendar year, no less. In between, we will travel through New Zealand, Australia, the United States, the UK, northern Europe and parts of Asia. Perhaps other countries too. Along the way we will play many of the world's best golf courses, meet a bunch of interesting people and generally experience life outside our comfort zone. The plan is also to raise a significant amount of money too. puregolf2010, first and foremost, is an adventure. It embodies for us the truism that life is too short. Golf every day for a year...why not?"



I bumped into them three months into their journey. They are looking for help, a bed to sleep in and a host to play various courses. I plan on helping them when they come to the east coast of the U.S. People have been most kind to me thoughout my travels and it's a small thing I can do to pay back the fraternity of crazy golfers out there.

If you are interested in doing so, please reach out to them. They are gentleman and it's for a great cause!

Their itinerary is below:

20 February - 9 May Australia (NSW, VIC, SA, ACT, QLD)
9 May - 10 July United States
10 July - 10 October United Kingdom & Ireland
10 October - 30 October Europe (likely France, the Netherlands and Germany)
30 October - 12 November United Arab Emirates
12 November - 20 November Singapore & Hong Kong (Mission Hills)
20 November - 26 November Perth
26 November - 1 December Sydney
December New Zealand (predominantly south island)

They do a daily blog, which is quite good. Their website: puregolf2010

Good Morning from Adelaide

The sun is rising in Adelaide and it's going to be another perfect day. Adelaide is a beautiful city in South Australia, an hour west of Melbourne by air. I have never been anywhere where the clock is 30 minutes off the rest of the world. We reset our clocks a half hour when we landed. Adelaide is a city of a million and a half people near the Australian wine country and it has a western feel to it as seen in the architecture below.

A little photo montage of the trip before we're off to play Royal Adelaide.

Rundle Street, Adelaide

Adelaide University

The 15th hole, Kingston Heath

Flinders Street Station, Melbourne

The fifth hole, New South Wales


The fourth hole, Barnbougle Dunes, Tasmania

Golf in Australia has been ridiculously good. Notice I showed only three holes. If you just judged Australia by the strength of these holes, you can get some sense of how exciting it has been to play here.

Every single place I have visited in Australia so far I have said to myself, I can move or retire here with no problem. I can see why I needed a visa to get into the country. It's so they can keep track of you and make sure you don't just stay and never go home!

My Long Journey to Australia

To state the obvious, flying to Australia takes a long time. Among the many activities I engaged in on my long flight was to watch three movies including Titanic. It is a little known trivia tidbit that the White Star Lines named all their ships to end in the letter "ic". Their other ships were the Celtic, Republic, Adriatic, Germanic, Olympic and Britannic.

This got me thinking...

I quite enjoyed the film because director James Cameron has created a realistic movie. Kate Winslet was erotic, the scenes with Leonardo DiCaprio were romantic and those closeup shots in her cabin were borderline pornographic. The ships fate, as we all know, was tragic primarily because Captain Smith was so myopic. Even though the scene of the ship sinking was graphic, it's a cinematic tour-de-force.

This was my first time flying Qantas and I was impressed. We flew a gigantic 747, which I like, because of the upper deck's conic shape; these planes have an aerodynamic ride. The pragmatic captain let us know that he was going on avionic automatic pilot and that our flight path would be erratic because some volcanic activity off Japan was changing either the atmospheric or barometric pressure. I wasn't sure which one because while he was announcing there was static. When he switched the system on, I could see the hydraulic mechanism on the wing move. It seemed he was using sound logic as he gave us periodic monosyllabic updates.



Qantas clearly took a holistic, some would say futuristic, approach when they designed the interior of the cabin. They used a very soothing synthetic psychedelic fabric and meals were served on ceramic china and not plastic. The charismatic flight attendants were a little spastic and their service erratic, but, I can't criticize them because the ethnic people in my section of the plane were very eclectic.

They included an arthritic Hasidic who appeared to find most foods allergic as well as a Sephardic Hispanic who was phlegmatic. Next to him was an Islamic heretic wearing a tunic who looked like some kind of academic and was on a macrobiotic bariatric diet. As amazing as it sounds, he was traveling with a newborn suffering from colic. The Irish woman across the aisle was no doubt a catholic film critic, as she appeared to be quite a skeptic and cynic in addition to being fluent in Gaelic. Rounding out the group was an antagonistic geriatric Slavic woman who was bulimic and a chic Arabic gentleman who spent the flight listening to music and reading the biography of Katie Couric while playing with a rubric cube. Luckily, there were no Belgians on the flight, thus none of the people seated near me were pedantic, idiotic or moronic. Looking back on our little section of the plane, we were a pretty pathetic group.

I settled into the flight by taking an analgesic to calm my nerves as I am prone to panic attacks in public because I am agoraphobic. Dinner was your basic garlic and balsamic glazed arctic char in aspic with an organic turmeric sauce. As delicious as that sounds, I found it a bit acidic, almost to the point of being toxic. My dinner was washed down with my usual gin and tonic, but only one, since I'm a borderline alcoholic. Rounding out the gastronomic fare was a terrific desert. It was a bit too caloric for me, but tasted orgasmic. After dinner I used the lavatory and found it hygienic owing to the fact that everything in it was electric. Before returning to my seat, I washed my hands with the Aussie hypoallergenic antiseptic soap provided.

The turbulence over the Pacific was horrific, but after it passed the drone of the engines was hypnotic. After I dozed off, my sleep was episodic because the loud guy in seat 4A was so bombastic. Perhaps I was wrong and there were Belgians on board. During the flight a chronic diabetic became ill. Luckily, there was a homeopathic medic from the Mayo clinic on board. After a quick diagnostic he prescribed a simple diuretic instead of an antibiotic. I tried to settle down after this incident and took out the latest issue of National Geographic, which you will note I have properly spelled in its italic.


Sydney's Harbour Bridge

I didn't fly directly to Australia but stopped in the birthplace of President Obama. I found Hawaii to be both exotic and idyllic and can see why it makes people behave hedonistic. The cigar I enjoyed on my brief stop there was aromatic. Although the cocktail waitress at my hotel was flirting with me quite a bit, and we engaged in a little frolic, nothing of a phallic nature occurred and our relationship remained platonic.

Landing in Australia after all that flying left me both manic and euphoric. Getting through customs at Kingsford Smith Airport in Sydney was no picnic. I hope long lines are not symptomatic of what I will find in Australia. As I am not a particularly patient person and waiting in hectic, long lines sometimes makes me go ballistic. Once you exit customs there are Australian flags everywhere in this patriotic country.

For the record, Australia is a commonwealth, and not a republic. While I don't know a lot about domestic issues here, I will try to be sympathetic to the plight of the Aboriginal people. Based purely on what I saw at the airport Australians appear to be diplomatic and have a good work ethic. I don't know if it's a emblematic of the nation as a whole, but they appear to be prolific beer drinkers.

Since I'm naturally optimistic, I'm glad to be here. I hope the trip turns out as fantastic as I have hoped. I can't wait to see the iconic Opera House again, with its panoramic view of the harbor. It of course houses the philharmonic. From everything I've read and seen Royal Adelaide looks like a classic course; Royal Melbourne is sure to be historic; the pictures I've seen of New South Wales seem scenic and dramatic; Barnbougle looks rustic and Kingston Heath, majestic. I have also read that it requires heroic shots to hit the greens.

I can't wait to get out and enjoy the fresh air. After being cooped up in a plane for so long I have pain in my pelvic region and am somewhat lethargic. I could benefit from the aerobic exercise that golf brings and I hope to increase my metabolic rate walking the courses. I'm also hoping I get good caddies and that none of them turn out to be either antagonistic or robotic.

Melbourne

When I started this journey I was approached by many a skeptic. Is this realistic, they would ask? Well, it's certainly not economic, since the costs of this odyssey are approaching the astronomic. Now that I'm visiting my twelfth country, it has truly evolved into a quest of epic proportions and the outcome now appears fatalistic. If you've read this far you know I'm clearly a confirmed lunatic and a certified golf fanatic. I hope you find my blog both comic and didactic. I can see why my journalistic standards might not be to everyone's liking, as I can sometimes be theatric. This journey is truly a quixotic one. I think once I've finished it, I am going to need psychiatric help.

My lineup includes New South Wales, Barnbougle, Lost Farm, Royal Adelaide, Kingston Heath and Royal Melbourne and will be back with golf writeups soon.

The Lodges at Barnbougle Dunes